She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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