Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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