Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
