Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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