Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
