I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
