One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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