woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
