I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
