Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I touched a dick in church today
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
