Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I currently don't understand fingers.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
