Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize