Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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