my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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