Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
