Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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