The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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