so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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