i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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