why didn't you poke me back
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
