She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
