Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
