remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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