Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i dont even know how to be here
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize