no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
