i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
