The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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