I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
