well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
