do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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