Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Come see our sink grown plant.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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