just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
