Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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