i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
