You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
