the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
