Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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