Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
