my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
