At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
