Please, let me fuck your mom
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have already put on my inside pants.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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