he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
