A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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