i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
