Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
