I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
