i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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