so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
