Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
