her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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