I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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