sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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