And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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