I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
