I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize