I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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