my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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