theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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