did you get engaged???
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
