I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
