if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
