I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
it was like eating out sand paper
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
