I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
