i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
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