I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
