I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
