just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
COCAINE IS GR8
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
