Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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