i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Quick, to the slutcave!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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